Thank you for taking our Love and Sex Quiz!
You scored as an Emotional Pursuer and a Sexual Pursuer.
Emotional Pursuer Characteristics
You long for deep sharing and heart-to-heart connection with your partner. You get energy around people, like to make them happy and are baffled that your partner doesn’t see your good intentions. You like to talk out conflicts and only feel settled after a good conversation and all feelings are shared and soothed. In fact, you’d rather fight than let things be unsettled. Even when there are good moments, however, you may feel slightly anxious that they won’t be repeated. Your sense of your partner’s love and commitment can be rocked when you feel unappreciated. If your partner is preoccupied, you might find yourself reviewing what last happened and how you might have caused a problem.
Emotional Pursuer Growth Pathway
You deserve closeness and safety! It’s imperative to our psychological health to find a partner who we can depend on in times of distress. Learning to soothe yourself during this process of change, by saying inside, “all relationships have a few ups and downs” may help comfort you when you get anxious about “is everything okay?” You might have to diversify the ways you get self-esteem through creative endeavors, friendships, and productivity. Letting go of the little stuff can help your partner feel less micro-analyzed. Your challenge may be to change complaints into positive, clear, short requests. You may also have to learn to accept your partner’s “no” to your requests and find other solutions. Managing your anger, criticism and escalation of a conflict is the fastest way to help your partner feel safer to be honest about their true feelings rather than placating you or backing away. Talking about your needs and fears from a vulnerable place will help your partner see you as approachable. We want to help you find that soft and fulfilling pathway that gets through to your partner and creates a responsive relationship where you can trust that they are there for you.
If you would like to explore and strengthen your relationship, Contact Us!
Sexual Pursuer Characteristics
For you sex is the way you feel most connected and potentially – the most loved. Having sex is being home. It also gives you energy and your life a thrill. A happy relationship means you can relax knowing that sex is reasonably available to you when you want it. To you, your body is a “wonderland” and so is your partner’s body. You initiate and take risks and do care about your partner’s pleasure. For you sexual intimacy unlocks your emotions and desire to share about your inner world. But often, you find yourself a bit preoccupied with wondering if your partner is really into it. Sometimes you find yourself anxious about your own attractiveness or desirability. You crave your partner’s initiation. When there is a long dry spell sexually, you wonder about the viability of the partnership and double down on bringing this to your partner’s attention. Sometimes you get angry when your partner says no, and when it’s a pattern you might decide to take what you can get even if the sex has little eroticism or intimacy. In a monogamous relationship, your frustration can become overwhelming and you might worry about falling out of love.
Sexual Pursuer Growth Pathway
Your desire has an important function to keep the romantic relationship physical, exciting and alive. Research has even shown that most couples need intimacy in body and soul to have the strongest bond. However, you may be partnered with someone who has these needs come in a different order than you do. For instance, they may need emotional intimacy to come before sexual intimacy. Also, before you personalize your partner’s varying levels of desire, think about how they may be different than you hormonally, cyclically, at this life stage, in energy levels and with their own comfort in body-esteem. Take sex out of the power struggle and find ways to meet your partner’s stated needs for help, for listening, for loyalty so they are better resourced to meet your sexual needs. Experiment with a combination of more mutual sexual encounters and masturbation to reduce the pressure on your partner and to see if you are more sexually satisfied. Discover the best ways to initiate by asking your partner if they like sex to start with talk, with compliments, by touch or during romantic dates. Save sex talks for emotionally comfortable times with your partner prepped for the agenda – no surprises. Don’t criticize the cookin’ at the table – ever; make the bed a safe place.
If you would like to explore and strengthen your relationship, Contact Us!
Call us at 919-845-5400 to heal your cycle!!