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Kristina is the character of a young beleaguered mother appearing in the popular television drama/comedy, Parenthood. In the show, Kristina has an autistic son and teenage daughter.
In a recent episode, Kristina called her husband after a sexual drought and used the code words, “Kitty’s on the grill!” She meant she was hot to trot; what a great line to initiate sex!
My clients and friends frequently complain that their own partner would never call and use a line like that. They say he/she either doesn’t initiate at all or initiates sex so subtly that sexual cues are nonexistent.
What’s behind such a drastic disconnect? One reason for the confusion is that “touchers” are often married to “askers.”
As you may have guessed, a toucher is stimulated by touch. Any verbal suggestions by a toucher’s partner will leave them cold; jokes or innuendo may come across as crass or childlike instead of stimulating.
A male toucher wants a hand to slip onto his inner thigh at dinner and is eager to be dragged upstairs afterwards. A female who enjoys touch wants to be carried up those same stairs à la Scarlett O’Hara after she’s been nibbled and nipped and nuzzled and nudged.
Askers tend to feel invaded when a touch-preferring spouse reaches for their breasts or kisses their neck. If you grab her ass, expect to lose your hand.
Askers prefer long talks, clever words, or a diabolical come-on if they’re going to hop in the sack. Repartee keeps the day light and filled with anticipation. (Warning: “You wanna do it?” is probably too mind-numbing for askers!)
“Why did my spouse stop flirting after we got married, when it used to be such a turn-on?” a man may wonder.. Someone needs to look this lover in the eyes and tell him he’s smokin’ hot!
Smile at your female partner and remind her you think she has the most beautiful legs in the room. Engage your partner with increasingly intense words of love throughout the evening. Shower them with words affirming their desirability. Use their favorite love vocabulary as often as possible.
Gentlemen — use salt sparingly for impact and flavor.
Women — it’s okay to play in the mud on occasions.
For the best results, ask your partner how they prefer you initiate sex, and act on their chosen preferences.