Warning Signs of Sex Addiction in Men

Although most people know sex addiction exists, many don’t know exactly what it means or the warning signs.

What is Sex Addiction?

Sexual addiction refers to sexual behavior that has become compulsive – no longer just for the sake of pleasure itself. It leads to negative repercussions that seriously disrupt a person’s relationships and work.

While sex addiction often involves sexual contact with one or several people, people might be considered addicted because of the extreme use of pornography, using internet channels like chat rooms, or sexting with strangers. For example, if a man starts to view pornography for hours a day, he begins to believe that porn truly represents the way real people make love. As his expectations soar, he finds himself losing interest in the wife whom he had previously found sexually alluring. His quest for sexual excitement makes work and family seem dull by comparison.

To be clear, sex addiction is not exclusively a man’s problem. A small percentage of women also experience sexually compulsive behavior. Women typically experience sex or love addiction a bit differently than men, so for this post, we’ll focus only on men.

What are the Warning Signs of Sex Addiction in Men?

1. Loss of interest in a current sexual partner. When a male suddenly stops wanting sex, it can deeply disturb the relationship. Certainly, each partner has differing levels of desire, and the struggle to align those can be difficult. But a complete withdrawal from the sexual relationship for an extended period can be a warning sign that his sexual energy is going in a different direction.
2. Loss of sexual functioning. In my practice, many young male patients who entered therapy to address dysfunction and delayed ejaculation during intercourse are experiencing those issues because of their pornography habits. When a man views heavily erotic content before reaching climax, his dopamine rises to an excitement level that cannot be matched in sex with his partner. Essentially, he starts to condition his body to need these high levels of arousal, and his ability to function with a partner may decline.
3. A large amount of time is spent on sexual activities. When a man’s pornography habit begins to take up large amounts of time, consuming sleep or working hours, he likely has a compulsion. The behavior could be rooted in something other than sex addiction – he could be compensating for depression, for example. Whatever the reason, at this stage he needs professional help.
4. He neglects responsibilities. If his time involved in sexual activity interrupts relationships with a spouse, family, or work, this overly sexual behavior has reached the point of being compulsory. For instance, If he takes risks that would alert his employer’s HR department (missing days of work, flirting with colleagues, masturbation at work, view of pornography on work servers), the danger of the compulsion has increased to the point of jeopardizing his livelihood – a signal that it is out of control.
5. An escalation of sexual danger. Excessive and compulsive sexual behavior can be like a “gateway drug” into more reckless sexual behavior. If a man on his own accord senses that his use of porn is out of control, he should consider seeking therapy. When the need for sexual thrills escalates to picking up strangers and paying for private escorts and/or prostitutes, then the level of risk-taking has reached concerning levels. Any behavior considered illegal – exposure, peeping, upskirting, paying prostitutes or escorts or child pornography – warrants immediate and legal action – these activities are not about sex.

What to do when you suspect your partner has a sex addiction? If any of these signs are present it is time to consult a sex therapist or a psychiatrist and potentially consider inpatient treatment. Seek help now!