Sex—the ordinary holiday

Sex does for everyday life what holiday rituals do.

It’s fall, glorious fall! The days are cooling off in North Carolina and I delight in sprays of yellow leaves fluttering to the ground. My heart is always happy when we head into the start of school, the change of seasons and the holidays. It’s such a hopeful time filled with expectations of new beginnings, future surprises and warm reminisces of old good times. The coming rituals divide time for us mere mortals in ways that cause us to slow down and observe the essentials of life—the dying leaves remind us of life’s fragility, the celebrations elevate ordinary routine, the bonds of relationship cemented in meaningful family and faith traditions.

Sex does for everyday life what holiday rituals do for the yawning year’s time. The French call orgasm, le petite mort, or the little death. For one moment in our day we surrender our consciousness and our body to its yearnings. We cast aside the duties of the week. We let go of daily life’s agendas and give over to the present. We are vulnerable in an exquisite way to our body. We die a little and have a life worth living.

Sexual chemistry, flirting, and touching give zing to a day filled with work and chores. We celebrate this enormous capacity for pleasure on a simple Tuesday (or Thursday or both!) We prioritize romance and dress it up a little, spritz some perfume, set a mood.

More than any other expression, sex affirms our connection to our partner. For many committed couples, the promise of fidelity is tangibly fulfilled over and over in the bedroom ritual of lovemaking. Passion is the hidden surprise amidst cleaning, child-caring, and choring. We give pleasure to someone we love. We open ourselves to ask for pleasure. We reveal the secrets of our body in a relationship most precious.