Thank you for taking our Love and Sex Quiz!
You scored as an Emotional Withdrawer and a Sexual Pursuer.
Emotional Withdrawer Characteristics
You have learned from early in life that being independent and relying on yourself it the safest path in life. It’s imperative, you believe, to look out for your own needs. In fact, sometimes you worry that your partner just wants to control you or manage your time and priorities. And their unhappiness can baffle you, making you wonder why they can’t be as positive about life as you feel. You might be direct at work but at home you worry that asking for what you need will be wrongly perceived, so you don’t bring things up that might be conflictual. And talking about things in the relationship often only make it worse so you dread “relationship check-ins”. In fact, you may be worried that therapy is going to be one long deep dive into your partnership where you’ll feel labeled the bad guy. Since, you often get messages from your partner that you’re inadequate and not enough, you shut down conflict as quickly as possible.
Emotional Withdrawer Growth Pathway
And there are times that self-reliance is a real strength. It can take courage and discipline to manage your feelings of anxiety, fear, anger or disappointment. In relationships, however becoming flexible about sharing some of what goes on inside you will help your partner feel close to you. And ironically, being clear in respectful ways about your needs will often feel like you are “opening up” to your partner and be reassuring to them. Learning to know what you even feel is an important step before you can share feelings, so you might check in with yourself: what are you telling yourself about this moment, what do you feel and maybe even where do you feel this emotion in your very body? Initiating conversations with curious questions about your partner’s feelings may seem like a minefield but will actually reduce your partner’s loneliness and increase their satisfaction of the relationship. We can help you learn some simple techniques of reflection and validation that will go miles in reducing the heat of any conflict. With the most scientifically-research theories, we will help you rebalance your relationship – getting you breathing room and space while helping you feel more comfortable with closeness.
If you would like to explore and strengthen your relationship, Contact Us!
Sexual Pursuer Characteristics
For you sex is the way you feel most connected and potentially – the most loved. Having sex is being home. It also gives you energy and your life a thrill. A happy relationship means you can relax knowing that sex is reasonably available to you when you want it. To you, your body is a “wonderland” and so is your partner’s body. You initiate and take risks and do care about your partner’s pleasure. For you sexual intimacy unlocks your emotions and desire to share about your inner world. But often, you find yourself a bit preoccupied with wondering if your partner is really into it. Sometimes you find yourself anxious about your own attractiveness or desirability. You crave your partner’s initiation. When there is a long dry spell sexually, you wonder about the viability of the partnership and double down on bringing this to your partner’s attention. Sometimes you get angry when your partner says no, and when it’s a pattern you might decide to take what you can get even if the sex has little eroticism or intimacy. In a monogamous relationship, your frustration can become overwhelming and you might worry about falling out of love. If your frustration has lasted more than 6 months this is a sign that you need counseling now!
Sexual Pursuer Pathway
Your desire has an important function to keep the romantic relationship physical, exciting and alive. Research has even shown that most couples need intimacy in body and soul to have the strongest bond. However, you may be partnered with someone who has these needs come in a different order than you do. For instance, they may need emotional intimacy to come before sexual intimacy. Also, before you personalize your partner’s varying levels of desire, think about how they may be different than you hormonally, cyclically, at this life stage, in energy levels and with their own comfort in body-esteem. Take sex out of the power struggle and find ways to meet your partner’s stated needs for help, for listening, for loyalty so they are better resourced to meet your sexual needs. Experiment with a combination of more mutual sexual encounters and masturbation to reduce the pressure on your partner and to see if you are more sexually satisfied. Discover the best ways to initiate by asking your partner if they like sex to start with talk, with compliments, by touch or during romantic dates. Save sex talks for emotionally comfortable times with your partner prepped for the agenda – no surprises. Don’t criticize the cookin’ at the table – ever; make the bed a safe place. At Awakenings we honor the way sexual connection bonds a couple – we see sex as a legitimate pathway to closeness. If you feel you are becoming more concerned about sexual reciprocity – make an appointment today!