Morning sex vs. evening sex – it’s an age-old conflict, usually with men on one side and women on the other. Men wake up already aroused, so morning is prime time. But women often prefer evenings when things have relaxed a bit, like after work and chores are done and children are put to bed. Why does this happen and how can you resolve the issue?
First, let’s break down some of the biologically best times for sex for both women and men:
Best Time for Sex Based on Testosterone
- Men have a spike in testosterone between six and nine o’clock in the morning. They naturally like to capitalize on a good morning erection.
- Women have the lowest amount of daily testosterone in the morning and a minimal increase by the evening.
Best Time for Sex Based on Hormone Cycles
- Men can experience a daily 25-50% differential in testosterone in the morning, translating to a huge appetite for early sex.
- For women, significant changes in testosterone happen monthly instead of daily, with the largest increase happening mid-month during ovulation (and that increase is not nearly as dramatic as what men experience).
Best Time for Sex Based on Cleanliness
- Most women have a thing about being clean before sex. So, for her, the thought of morning breath and a night’s worth of sweat and genital odor can squash any desire for wake-up sex.
- Since men’s sense of smell is typically not as sensitive, these issues may be the last things on his mind while he’s feeling the warm closeness of his partner’s relaxed body.
How to Encourage Morning Sex
- Focus on the benefits. Both genders actually perform better at work after morning sex. And after sex, the hormone vasopressin rises, prompting men to feel more emotional attachment.
- Start slower. Spend time cuddling and lay on the compliments. British gynecologist and researcher Gabrielle Downey says that the single biggest interference with female desire is her body image. So, tell her you love her tousled look and naked face (and body) first thing in the morning.
- Go to bed earlier. Sleep deprivation lowers testosterone levels in both genders. Getting enough sleep is essential for maintaining maximum hormonal balance and for limiting the stress hormone cortisol, which interferes with desire in both genders.
How to Encourage Evening Sex
- Watch competitive sports. Research indicates it increases his feelings of aggression and boosts his testosterone. It’s a great deal if she’s a sports fan, too.
- Build anticipation. Capitalize on the small increases of testosterone in her body with anticipation. Sending loving, appreciative texts builds the emotional connection that might be an even more powerful trigger for a woman than testosterone.
- Work out together at the end of day. Thirty to forty minutes of intense resistance or endurance exercise increases testosterone levels. Arousal remains easier for thirty minutes after exercise.
Be aware that sometimes the decision about when to have sex can be more about an emotional power struggle than personal preferences. In this case, it’s important to have an honest conversation to get to the root of the problem (and you may want to include a counselor if the problem is ongoing).
Each of you may have a favorite time of day, but pleasing your partner occasionally during their best moment brings fairness and fun. And when that happens, you both win.